Retirement Isn’t Just About Money
Ted Buckley, BFA
Upon retiring, a dentist will have a more independent life. A common mistake people make at retirement is to spend most of their time planning "experiences" and little time on "goals." An example of an experience would be going to a concert, while a goal would be learning to play guitar. Attending a concert can be a fun, exhilarating experience, but it will likely happen only a couple of times per year. "Goals" tend to be more fulfilling. Thus, for those contemplating or nearing retirement, it is wise to balance your planning time between the things you want as fixtures in your retirement life, eg, guitar playing, and the rarer, albeit adrenaline-stirring activities you hope to experience.
While people often worry about the financial capital they need to retire, they may neglect to consider social capital. In retirement, it is important to form and enhance meaningful relationships. This is where security is built. You'll enjoy your "bucket list" accomplishments more when you can share them with friends, especially classmates, teammates, and coworkers from the past who may be of similar age and, too, may be retiring. Reaching out to them can help give you experience comparisons and even bring a little bit of your old social order into your retirement.
When it comes to bucket lists, my wife and I have come to realize that in a relationship there is a three-lane highway. The right lane is my lane, the left lane is her lane, and the middle lane is our lane. In retirement, we need to consider all three lanes. This may require planning. So, as you go through your bucket list, include your partner if you have one, and look for things you each can do in your individual lanes while also experiencing things in the shared lane.
Throughout life, whether as a child, teenager, college student, employee, or whatever the setting, we all have felt social pressure. Social pressure is so commonplace that we become used to it. As a result, we may have become dependent on doing what everyone else is doing. We know what needs to be done to be a part of something, and we do it. This raises the question: When we retire, will we be free from being required to be a part of something?
In the 1950s, a Stanford social psychologist, Dr. Leon Festinger, formulated the Social Comparison Theory, which was based on prior research into communication, dynamics, behavior, and aspirations within social groups. The theory argues that individuals use comparisons with others to gain accurate self-evaluations. Thus, we learn how to define ourselves by comparing ourselves with others.
However, once retired, being a part of a group becomes optional. There are no more imposed groups. Herein lies the threat of loneliness. The fact is that being part of a group, whether mandatorily or voluntarily, provides us with a needed sense of community. The innate human desire to belong means that we feel something missing when we aren't part of a group. When planning for retirement, people focus mostly on the finances and less about their social needs. In pre-retirement, much of our satisfaction-projects at work, the fruition of community plans, goals for the family-comes with a road map. Unfortunately, there is no standard road map for retirement precisely because it is a realm without much social pressure. Retirees should be prepared to create their own map with an understanding of these realities.
Perhaps you've already started a bucket list with a few things that you have anticipated doing for years. Keep these on your list, and know that you don't have to assemble an entire list before you start fulfilling some of the items on it. Not every item on the list has to be a unique, fantastic Instagram-viral experience. For example, traveling to the Great Wall of China might be one of the more exotic things on your list, but you might also want to include teaching Sunday school at your church, or running a 5K. Your partner, friends, family, former coworkers who are now retired, and others are usually happy to share their views about what you might want to do and how to accomplish your retirement goals. Discussing bucket list ideas over lunch or dinner with another couple or friends who also may be approaching their retirement phase can help get ideas flowing.
With more time on your hands and hopefully being in good health, accomplishing everything you've always imagined in retirement may be more attainable than you thought. You've had a long, successful, and presumably prosperous career. So do not underestimate yourself and your abilities at any stage of retirement. And if travel is in your plans, remember that whether you're by yourself or with a good companion(s), getting there can be half the fun.
About the Author
Ted Buckley, BFA
Financial Advisor, Mooney Lyons Financial, South Barrington, Illinois; Author of Retired! What Do You Want to Do for the Next 30 Years? A workbook can be downloaded for free at tedbuckley.com.
